be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
