dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
As shirtless as possible
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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