capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
