It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
