my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
