He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
