let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
