she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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