Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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