Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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