I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
