i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
