they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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