At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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