Don't EVER smell your tampon
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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