Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My ass is underappreciated
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
