What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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