I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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