I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm always down for nudity.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
