I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
