the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have feelings that need drinking.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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