I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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