did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Randomize
