I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
