Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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