Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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