The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
