My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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