so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
