His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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