You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
