Whatcha textin bout Willis?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
