He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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