david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
