these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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