I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
