Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
