She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
