How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
only you would photoshop your dick
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
