I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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