Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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