Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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