you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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