Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
