I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
