how do flat chested girls get laid?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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