any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
