my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
