She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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