You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
